BLOG May 20, 07
Fabulous and Miraculous?

Today is a Fabulous and Miraculous day in many ways. The entire family was able to attend church!! What’s so unusual about that? You might say. Church attendance by the whole family does not happen often with a Bipolar teenager. Usually our church attendance consists of one of us driving one teen (daughter B) to sunday school at her time, and the other parent taking daughter A to her church because they have a children’s church she can attend. Even though she is 17 years old, she cannot make it thru an adult service. We are lucky if we make it thru the opening hymns before she starts asking to leave, and fidgeting, and escalating into a giant meltdown. I pray for no hymns in a minor key because these songs trigger immediate sadness & tears for this daughter.

But today was different, we all attended church, and daughter A left for her children’s church without a scene. What a great beginning to our day.

Today is fabulous because the weather is perfect: Sunny,78 degrees, minimal humidity, and minimal wind. The weather seems to make everyone’s mood a little brighter.

Today is fabulous & Miraculous because Daughter A was able to wear one of her size 8 dresses she could not fit into for past 2 years! The atypical antipsychotic group of medicines’ side effects had caused a massive weight gain. It did not matter which one of the group, Zyprexa or Risperdal,etc. she was always hungry and asking for more food. At one time, she was up to a size 14! And she still was not mentally stable or better. Now, on a different medication she is back to a size 8. We wondered if this would ever happen again. Her face now looks like herself. the daughter I always knew. Not like a distortion of my daughter. She is happier too with her regular body size. What a wonderful thing for her to have accomplished, and hopefully with this new medicine, her weight will remain stable.

The only way today is not fabulous and miraculous is her non-stop talking. She jumps from subject to subject without finishing a thought. You ask her to stop for a minute because you are trying to think. She whispers to herself “shh. Stop talking.” But this only lasts approximately 20 seconds and she resumes chattering. I keep telling myself to not get upset or angry because of the otherwise Fabulous Day I have described above But this manic like non-stop talking and asking questions is exhausting. We cope by my husband and I taking turns having her in our room. I try to stop whatever I am doing and just listen to her. But this undivided attention does not lessen her questions. She keeps returning to comments about previous doctor appointments, blood tests, diagnosis with ideas and sentences not being completed. It is not a pleasant or normal conversation in any way. I try to change the subject, but it does not work. She interrupts me and we are back to the topics she is stuck on. I feel my frustration building and building. I feel myself getting angry. And I see this Fabulous Day slipping away. I tell myself to focus on all the good things about today. Church, the weather, her healthier weight (size), Instead I find myself wishing for a normal mentally well teen. Some may say “normal” and teen” should not be used in the same sentence, but I do grieve the loss of a normal conversation with Daughter A.. A normal conversation at a normal rate of speech and on topics other than doctor appointments and the past.. A “normal” mother-daughter conversation. Am I wishing for too much because of the otherwise Fabulous Day? I remind myself that there are thousands of other people struggling with these same issues, these same type of days. I am not alone in this. But I wish someone could find the answers to make her life, and our life better.